Our country and countries around the world seem to be infected by a new pandemic following in the footsteps of COVID-19. One author in Australia has created a new pseudo-diagnosis to describe this infection: PCRS (Post COVID Rudeness Syndrome). Unlike COVID-19, this infection seems to be growing stronger day by day and there is no vaccine available to mitigate its multi-systemic impact that can lead to “organ-izational” failure in the workplace or the home space.
Why are we experiencing such an upsurge in rudeness? There are likely many reasons, including the impact of media and social media in our lives. Americans are experiencing some of the highest levels of stress and mental health disorders ever recorded. This high level of stress can lead people to engage in stress-related negative behaviors to “vent” their feelings. Rudeness and incivility are among the mostly likely ways that people will act on their feelings of stress and irritability.
Politicians seeking to divide us are only fanning the flames of stress. These “conflict entrepreneurs” (as named by Peter Coleman in The Way Out) capitalize on people’s stress and fears to coalesce their power by dividing people into “us/them” or the “in/out group.” People then feel compelled to line up in one “camp” or the other and to reinforce their group’s “rightness” by highlighting the “wrongness” of “those people” who are the others. This is especially true right now as our presidential election process is in the last push toward election day.
I hear all the time about people getting into uncivil skirmishes (complete with name calling and F-bombs) with others at the grocery store, in the post office, in the lunchroom at work or even around the kitchen table. People indicate that they want our country to be less rude and for our society to be more civil. However, they then get pulled into conflicts and name calling with others and that intention of civility goes out the window.
So, what are we to do? How can we get those other people to change their behavior? How can we focus on being more civil to each other, both before and, even more importantly, AFTER election day? There is an old joke that goes something like this. “How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?” Answer: “Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.” Newsflash: You are ultimately the only lightbulb that you have the power to change.
Here are five strategies for managing rudeness and incivility about politics:
- Remember that we are all in this together. Statistics say that 84% of the country is somewhere in the middle when it comes to political party. In 2021, the Pew Research Center conducted a typology of political beliefs in the American population, and they identified nine separate party affiliations. Despite what you see on social media or cable TV shows, most of us are somewhere on a continuum of belief and we have a great deal in common.
- People are not their politics. Although politics ARE personal (in that we may hold tightly to our beliefs and feel strongly about them), people are not ALL their politics. Remember that politics are just ONE aspect of who people are.
- Focus on what is most important. Is it more important to be RIGHT (and let others know that you are) or is the relationship more important? Unfortunately, so many people are focused on convincing others that they are not only wrong, but STUPID for believing what they do. This approach will never change anyone’s mind and will only serve to alienate others from you and increase the social disconnections in our society.
- Push pause when emotions emerge. We can all get triggered when someone says something that is a vastly different opinion from our own. Recognize when you are getting more emotional and work to stop conversations with others before they spin out of control and create lasting damage.
- WAIT to speak. Remember the acronym: W-A-I-T (Why Am I Talking?). Keep in mind that sometimes the best response is no response. As my mother once taught me, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Tensions in our society are at an all-time high and there is no sign of them changing any time soon, even after the election. Rude and uncivil people will be out there in the world, waiting for you at the post office, at the grocery store or even at the dining room table in the upcoming holiday season. Remember, you are the only person that you have power to change when it comes to being more civil and reducing rudeness in our society.
So, what kind of lightbulb do you want to be?